The Waltz of Letting Go
For this first post I have chosen to share my thoughts about letting go. What I mean is, to let go of the ideas you may have of yourself. At least the ones that do not serve you well in this world. Usually we have some very real thoughts about who we are. We often have ourselves “defined” by events and interactions that have come before.
I come from a very negative past. I felt very unsure of myself. I was told negative things about myself on a regular basis. However, I have a natural tendency towards cheerfulness and I had also sought out personal development opportunities, so I learned to be relatively happy in spite of these feelings. Then one day it happened.
I was having a discussion with a co-worker and she said, “Yes, but you are so confident.” You must picture a lightening bolt right through my whole being! It hit me in the most profound way. When people looked at me they saw a “confident” woman. It turned my understanding of who I was and what I was doing upside down. Inside out even! Think of this. I FELT unsure, but people who interacted with me saw a capable, confident woman.
My next realization was this: If people saw me as a confident person then I could BE a confident person. Afterall, my opinion of myself was shaped by what I thought others thought of me. I had to let go of what others thought of me, but more importantly what I “thought” people thought about me. It’s not that it doesn’t matter what others think of us. It does. But not to the degree that we define who we are by their picture of us.
I was not a beautiful child or a beautiful teenager, yet I became a beautiful woman. Growing up I heard things like, “your hair is so stringy” or “wow a little make up really helps” and “your teeth are like a rodent”. In fact my little sister was called “rat face” yet I look at the pictures now of when she was younger and realize she was quite pretty – another testament for not listening to the negative impressions people have of us.
As a young girl and a young woman I did not feel that great about myself. I had a different kind of look that some were attracted to but others were not. I always knew I wasn’t quite “Beautiful”. But I felt that there was something in me that was bigger in every area of my life. I was more than my circumstances. I was better than what some were giving me credit for. So when my co-worker described me as confident – it changed everything I “knew” about myself.
Understand that your picture of yourself is not necessarily real. Meaning, everything changes or is changeable. If you will consider releasing all negative thoughts about who you are you will be in the wonderful place of being able to invent yourself. Create the YOU that you want to be. First, let go of your current understanding of who you are and begin to imagine who you wish to be.
In my next post I will share processes that I have used to re-invent myself. I am creating who I want to be and the life I choose to live.
I encourage you to use these ACTION steps to start letting go of any negative concepts you have of yourself:
1. Begin to think about the possibility that you do not need to resign yourself to the current picture you have of yourself.
2. Conscioulsy let go of any negative ideas you have about yourself. When a negative picture of yourself comes up be conscious and aware and deliberately say no to it.
3. Ask a few people close to you to describe your best attributes and see if anything surprises you.
You can be anyone you choose to be, if you will let go of who you think you are.
